Those Stories

[static anonymity]

You know those modern-day urban legends? The one that involves your friend's brother's mother's aunt's friend's cousin who brifly went out with the person in question's sister's daughter's aunt, or whatever? Well, plonk them here.

If you want an example, then the story of the food chain employee spunking into the mayo/batter is a classic example. It's a story that does the rounds yet no-one really knows it's origins and the tales are alwaysdubious in terms of whether they're true or not.


Mine:
There was a woman who decided to use a live lobster to masturbate with, as she thought the shape ideal, and she'd discovered that when a naked flame is held near the lobster, it'd wiggle its tail. Perfect, thought she. So insert it she does, gets out her lighter and enjoys herself. Only the lobster is so scared by the naked flame that it sh*ts itself. And you know what lobsters eat? Yup, little crustaceans and plankton and all that kind of jazz. So the lobster sh*ts all this inside her, and little undigested creatures start to scurry about up in her lady organs. And the long and short of it is that, in a week or two, she dies from all these tiny seacreatures swimming about inside her... Nice, huh?


Your turn!

[smerker]

I love these stories...my favourites the one about the guy with the hook hand.
"A teenager drove his date to Lovers' Lane for a make-out session before it was time to take her home. The place was very dark and deserted. After turning on the radio for a bit of mood music, he leaned over and began kissing her.
Suddenly the music stopped and an announcer's voice came on, warning in an urgent tone that a convicted murderer had just escaped from the state insane asylum — which happened to be nearby — and that anyone who noticed a stranger lurking about with a hook in place of his right hand should report his whereabouts to the police immediately.

The girl was frightened and asked to be taken home. Instead, the boy locked all the doors and assured her they were safe and tried to kiss her again. She became frantic and pushed him away, insisting that they leave. Peevishly, he relented, jerking the car into gear and spinning the wheels of the car as he pulled out of the parking space.

When they arrived at her house she got out of the car, and, reaching to close the door, began to scream uncontrollably. The boy ran around to her side to see what was wrong and there, dangling from the door handle, was a bloody hook. "