Advice? I'm confused.

[OhMyZeus]

This is sort of like ranting. And I didn't want to talk about this with anyone I knew. Anyway. Last year in October there was this guy... And he was flirting with me and stuff >_< and we got kinda close [It was online..] We had our ups and downs like a normal relationship... Fights and stuff. But now he has a girlfriend. that really confused me. I have no idea how long they've been going out for... And he still flirts with me T_T I was rejecting him hitting on me.. So I have no idea if he's cheating on her or anything... And if it's with me that's bad! She's one of my closest friends. And why? Why would he do that? The other day he was flirting with me v.v And I was like "Stop it! You have a GF leave me alone!" And he was like "Co actually, Me and Judi don't really talk anymore" and THEN he tells me he never said he wasn't going out with her. I THINK HE'S TRYING TO CONFUSE ME. But now I get the feeling that since October he was just playing with me.. That he didn't really care in the first place. And that hurts so much because I love him... Seriously... I've never felt the same about anyone before. And it's not like a stupid crush or a stupid fling like most relationships people have at my young age... It's so painful...

Anyways, I was wondering if anyone had any advice?

[Luco El Loco]

Step away from the computer and take a walk. Never know, you might actually meet someone who actually values you and doesn't try to screw with your head. Of course, I don't mean that literally - I certainly don't expect to meet people out on a walk! Just circulate a bit and make more male friends. Learn about the opposite sex before declaring your love for someone who's obviously a douchebag.

[static anonymity]

Having had a number of online relationships and close friendships before, I can empathise with your predicament and what you feel towards this person. However, and this is just what I'm getting from they way you've phrased things here, it sounds like he's a bit of an attention whore: that is, he likes to feel liked and wanted, and he doesn't particularly care if he has to mess you about a bit in order to end up feeling that way. True, that may seem a little harsh to you right now, but you can't deny he likes the power of keeping you on your toes and unaware of where you stand. (That's not the best state of affairs for an equal relationship.)

Personally, I'd agree with Kim in that it might be good for you to take a little while away from things, maybe even a day, just to figure out what this guy means to you and what you want out of the relationship - whether it's just friendship or something more. Even doing that could make things a little clearer in your head for a bit.

Next I'd suggest just having a very straight talk with this guy. Make it clear how much this friend means to you, that you're not prepared to be "the other woman", but that you value him and don't want to lose him. Don't be afraid to say what's on your mind, and try to make sure neither of you are playing games here. If he cares as much about you as you think he does and as you care about him, then he's not going to get arsey just because you want some clarification of where you stand. And if he does throw a wobbly then he's obviously not the mature guy you thought he was, in which case it's good that you get to see him for what he is.

I know that's a rather long piece of advice there, by the way - sorry for that! Hey, let us know how it works out, ok? It sounds interesting, and I'd like to hear you get your man in the end.

Also, I don't know if you do or not, but don't feel guilty in the slightest about him going out with your friend whilst you and he were flirting - you didn't know and he's hardly been that straight about it, so no need to fret about it - just put it behind you and try to make the best of things now. Good luck!

[Graham]

Firstly, welcome

Secondly - you could do a hell of a lot worse than listen to Kim and Ellen there - they've (cumulatively) got a lot of experience, and they've given you some sound advice

I can't think of anything else that'll help you, as it's all been said in this thread, butwhatever you do, make sure it's what you feel is the right choice.

Good luck

[OhMyZeus]

Well, thanks you guys :] I'll read that through a few more times and come to a descision, but I know it will definitely help :]

Personally, I loath online relationships. I know they're definitely not the smartest thing there ever was but... That's me. The hypocrite.

I guess one of my main problems is that I'm scared to talk to him about it. and stuff... >_>; Wellll. I WILL FORCE myself to talk to him if I have to. HAHHHH. That'll show me. ; Anyways, thank you very very much.