Sport On TV

[distortion]

This isn't about there being too much, or too little. Or the quality, thats a totally different argument. This is about the sh*tness of the presenters, pundits, commentators and everything.

Firstly MOTD. Last year they had Peter Schmeichal, easily the worst pundit in history, but this year they decide to try and outdo themselves... Graeme - f**king- Le Saux. Does this man have no personality? And they let him commentate! Its beyond belief, Alan Shearer too.. why? Great player, but is just sh*te in front of a camera. Mark Lawrenson gets on my tits too, his stupid gags just.... they make you want to cry. Ian Wright is entertaining, but he makes very ill-judged comments, such as p*sstaking on Le Saux sexuality during the England tour of the US in the summer.

Alan Hansen is ok, and i find it amusing watching him look on as everyone else struggles. He makes sense all the time, and gets to the point quickly and firmly. Lineker is also fairly good but he tries to be funny, when he's really not.

The other BBC football shows also kind of suck too, cept maybe Final Score when it has decent pundits. ie not Carlton Palmer. Gavin Peac*ck is pretty good, should be on MOTD imo, Garth is ok too. But the rest... sheez. Lee Dixon too, not great but way better than Carlton Palmer.

Over on ITV, two words: Andy Townsend. tw*t. McCoist is ok, and Gabby Logan too. Overrall better than BBC atm. but i miss Ron Atkinson.

They're no better with their F1 coverage either. James Allen is utter crap. How the f**k he got the replacing-Murray Walker gig is beyond my mind. He tries, oh lord he tries but he just can't get past the fact he's a boring c*nt with little to no real enthusiasm. Ted Kravitz in the pits is also sh*te, as is Mark Blundell who, using the fact he's an ex-racer, bluffs his way though co-presenting with Jim Rosenthal.

Athletics is pretty bad too, Michael Johnson the only decent person. Colin Jackson... no words to describe how poor he is.

Tennis is actually quite good, its hard to fault the tennis.

The Cricket on Channel 4 is welcome relief.. Geoff Boycott and Richie Benaud just.. woo, they're great. Only let down my Michael Atherton really, who's rather crap.

It spoils all good sport tbh, crap presenters. All the time..

I'm not saying i could do better, but i'm sure a hell of alot of other people could do.

[Graham]

MOTD will never be as good as it was when they had Des Lynam on it - him, with Alan Hansen were great. Alan Hansen is one of the people on TV i respect the most, and he really does know what he's talking about, except his memorable "you can't win the title with kids" mistake

I love the commentary team on the cricket - It's a massive blow that Ritchie Benaud won't be back on our screens, due to f**king Sky having the rights to the cricket But Mark Nicholas was a great presenter, and commentator too - informative, without boring the tits off me, but Geoff Boycott sometimes annoys me.

It's odd the when it comes to Football, i prefer to watch 'The Championship' on ITV, than MOTD...partly because it's more exciting, but they've got a better range of pundits, though Ash's statement is true, Andy Townsend is a bit of a drip sometimes

I don't watch that much sport either, as the Grabd Prix, and Athletics don't really hold my attention span as long as others do.

[Luco El Loco]

It's funny you should bring this up as these days I can only really be bothered to watch tennis, which, seems to have the best commentary. Interesting...

[Martin]

Alan Hansen is full of himself. If he knows so much why doesn't he go and get a job as a manager?

I wouldn't say I wasn't a fan - he is likeable enough - but he's not always right and when he isn't he rarely backtracks and explains why he was wrong.

I've always thought Des Lynham was pretty crap. When he moved to ITV it just underlined it for me.

Gary Lineker is alright but only because he knows he isn't funny. If he thought he was hilarious he'd probably get on my tits.

Mark Lawrenson is straight to the point half of the time and goes round the houses the rest, I can't figure him out, but I'll never forget his charity work so I can't dislike the guy.

At the end of the day they could have the Cheeky Girls presenting the show, I'd still only be watching for the football itself and not the opinions of so called experts.

[distortion]

Part of a feature on my favourite football website, it kinda fits with this thread:

A new pundit - not, alas, Roy Keane - has been introduced to the exalted Soccer Saturday (which in the world of Mediawatch, is always called Soccer Saturday, even on a Tuesday night) team: Dennis Wise.

Judging by his disastrous debut as he covered Chelski v Real Betis, it could be a while before he returns, however.

To appreciate the full horror/comedy gold of Wise’s shambolic appearance you had to be watching. However, your humble columnist will at least attempt to provide a summary of events.

The curiosity of Soccer Saturday is that the format of the show essentially boils down to watching some low-ranking has-been watching a football match on a television screen that only he can see.

Wise, however, took the concept to a bizarre new level (and, when you think about it, it's already pretty bizarre) by omitting all remnants of commentary or analysis.

Mediawatch only had a glass of red to hand, rather than a notepad, but it swears that if it had written down all of Wise's comments then they wouldn't have stretched beyond a single sheet of longhand.

There were some truly magic moments that even through the fog of Merlot still bring a tear to the eye.

Such as when Rob McAffrey (standing in for dear Jeff who apparently doesn't believe in late nights during the week) noted that, "John Terry is down injured".

"Yeah, he's down," confirmed Dennis helpfully, staring earnestly at the screen.

As it became clear over the ensuing seconds, with Wise, head down, still staring manically at the screen like a 15-year-old adolescent watching his first lesbian porno, that this was the extent of the available analysis and commentary, a clearly bewildered McCaffrey was forced to announce: "We'll come back to you Dennis if there"s any more news."

Some hope.

But what really clinched the evening was the fact that Real Betis v Chelski finished two or three minutes later than the rest of the night's games. Which naturally left one man in the spotlight...

Cue Dennis Wise, silent, head down staring at the screen as if it had just offered him a fight.

At one point he did announce "Here's a chance" followed, some moments later, by "He's missed it", but this was a moment akin to a water well in the Sahara.

The consummate pro in comparison, McAffrey was forced to step in, gently leading Wise in the manner of a parent guiding a child through a particularly difficult patch in an Enid Blyton masterpiece.

"Here's a free-kick, Dennis!..."

"Yeah."

"What's happening, Dennis?..."

"He's punched it away."

"Can you see a way back for Chelsea, Dennis?..."

"No."

And that was just about it.

"Is that the final whistle, Dennis?"

"That's it," confirmed Dennis at the final whistle.

For Dennis Wise and Soccer Saturday, that really must be it.